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Imagine this if you will; you really have a craving for pizza. So, you go all around town and find out that for some reason all you favorite pizza joints are closed. You decide to settle for second best and get yourself a fine Chinese meal, Now, while you are eating it, you never get that satisfaction you would have gotten from the pizza. That's pretty much how I felt after watching Nurse 3D. Now, why is that? Let's find out.
Utterly insane and yet so lovely. Abigail Russel (Paz de la Huerta) has a bit a problem. She hates men that cheat. Married men in particular. So, at night she wears the skimpiest outfits possible and scours the city and the clubs to dish out her own special kind of deadly justice. During the day she's a nurse though. reliable, professional and caring of her patients. When Danni (Katrina Bowden), fresh out of nursing school arrives, Abbey immediately takes a liking to her gentle, soft spoken and somewhat naive ways and decides to take her under her wing.
This friendship is about to turn into Fatal Attraction on crack! After a very wild girls night out, Danni finds her self in bed with Abigail. Embarrassed, hung over and not remembering what she did the night before (take a wild guess) she leaves Abby alone at home. Now, the more Abby tries to connect with Danni the more she gets pushed away. Now feeling betrayed and used, Abby develops an unhealthy obsession for Danni and decides she too must be punished. Anyone that gets in her way will feel her wrath as well.
About to go on a rampage... This was a frustrating experience. While this film hits all the right notes it never fully comes alive. Now, take this in consideration; this is a movie where the standard nurses uniform is a short white skirt, wedges and sexy stockings. This is a film where men walk around without their shirts on (most of the time) and needles to say all of them sport a 6 pack. In other words, this is live action pulp. It is intentionally ridiculous but director Douglas Aarniokoski seems to be struggling. It's as if he couldn't decide whether he wanted to make a serious horror movie or an over the top, comedic and sexy blood fest. This makes the movie feel a bit uneven. He never fully embraces this film's ridiculousness. Much like Robert Rodriquez did with his first Machete movie. It's Aarniokoski's unwillingness or unable to fully commit that hold this film back to be truly a standout horrors/comedy.
...and no one... I've heard people say that Paz de la Huerta's performance is a truly terrible one. I have to disagree with them. She's seriously the Costello to the rest of the cast's Abbott. While they play it straight, she's the odd one out. When in one scene she does open up and shows real feelings to Katrina Bowden's character; de la Huerta brilliantly plays it like a pouting, sad little girl which ties in perfectly with her backstory. At that point you start to get what she's doing. All her facial gestures, body movements and the way she talks are all artificial. Her daytime nurse persona is a fake one, disconnected from our reality. The empty eyed passionate killer underneath is her real one. It sort of reminded me of Dexter in that way.
...is going to stand in her way! I can't really say that the story was original or that the 3D really added something to the plot or to the visuals even. Yes, Abigail Russel's backstory is an interesting one but the rest of the film was just too schizophrenic to make any real impact. It hovers just in the middle and never gives us an extreme element of horror or comedy. The performances are solid so no real complaints there. The way the movie leaves certain story lines open and character arcs unfinished just screams for a sequel. Nurse 3D gets a few chuckles and thrills here and there but it never fully embraces it's own trashy sensibilities. It wasn't bad but it wasn't really satisfying either. I got a Chinese meal, nothing wrong with that but I was really craving a delicious pizza.
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This time of year is usually a barren one for us cinema-goers. Sure, you always have a couple of standout movies but for the most part; the first months of the year is Hollywood's dumping ground for weak or bad movies. How does a movie like “Non-Stop” hold up then? Let's take a quick look at it!
Drunk, depressed and overworked.
Who screens these Air Marshall candidates?!Bill Marks (Liam Neeson) is a miserable man. After the death of his child he fell apart and his marriage along with it. His only reason to wake up in the morning is Jim Beam and his work. Speaking of which, he is an Air Marshall with a fear of flying. He's assigned to protect the passengers on a transatlantic flight. Now, I would want a man that unstable and maladjusted to protect me as well. All seems to go well enough when suddenly he gets strange texts on his phone. A passengers on the flight threatens to kill a person every 20 minutes unless the airline transfers 150 million dollars to an offshore account. What follows is a deadly cat and mouse game where Bill must not only find this mysterious attacker but also get the plane and its passengers safely on the ground. A bomb is found and the clock is ticking.
That ol' bomb buried in blow trick. Works every time! First of let me burst that bubble! This is not an action movie. This more thriller and suspense than guns and explosions. Yes, there is an excellent set piece near the end of the film, featuring the latter but “Non-Stop” leans heavily on characters and dialog. Now, while they do build up tension fairly well and do the whole Hitchcock mystery thing, it is neither original or surprising at all. When the “big” reveal does come, most observant viewers would have figured out “the twist” already.
Liam Neeson and Julianne Moore trying to save the plot of this movie. The performances are fine. They never reach excellence though. I don't blame the actors for being on auto-pilot it's the unremarkable screenplay they have to work with. What I found strange though were the supporting actors though. Why put well known performers in throw away roles? I know Lupita Nyong'o (12 Years a slave) is an up and coming actress but I think she's already proved what she is capable of. The same goes for Mount Anson (Hell on Wheels). Now, he's hardly a rookie actor. Why were the both of them barely in this movie?
Where are the doves? Don't get me wrong, while I do think this is a mediocre movie, it did what a movie should do; entertain. It has a nice build up of tension, it gets utterly ridiculous at times but at least it never gets boring. When the movie does shift gears into full action mode it is utterly breathtaking. Would I recommend you seeing this at a cinema then? No. This is one of those movies for a rainy Sunday afternoon. It's definitely a rental but a good rental at that!
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“Was that it?” My immediate response after I've seen this RoboCop remake. One must ask the question, why remake a movie that did everything right? Why even dare to improve on a modern classic? See, the whole reason to redo something is to add or improve on something that was missing or badly done. So, how does this movie fare then? Let's take a closer look.Alex Murphy is a headstrong detective at Detroit P.D. While hot on the trail of arms dealer Antoine Vallon (Patrick Garrow), his partner Jack Lewis (Michael K. Williams) gets shot and hospitalized. Meanwhile, Raymond Sellars (Michael Keaton); CEO of Omni Consumer Products, tries to get an anti-robot bill dropped in congress. If dropped, it would allow his drones and robotic peace keepers to survey and protect the streets and the citizens of America. Seeing how much controversy it sparked up by their use of this in the Middle-East, everyone is against this. Sellars, is looking for a way to make his robots more likable, more “human”.
ED-209! Hasn't much to do in this movie At home, Alex tries to spend some time with his son and wife, Clara (Abbie Cornish) but he's distant and regrets his actions which got his partner Lewis almost killed. Also, he suspects that some men of his department are on the take and involved with the arms dealer. When they feel he gets too close, they deal with Murphy and he gets critically wounded by a car bomb. Now, after an extensive search for his cyborg project, Sellars finds in Murphy a suitable candidate. Brilliant scientist, Dr. Dennett Norton (Gary Oldman) and his team, realize a half-man, half-machine called RoboCop with Murphy at the center of it all.
OCP fixes all After RoboCop has been deployed on the streets of Detroit, he's a resounding success. crime on the streets is being dealt with. Being linked to the city's CCTV Network and Detroit PD Criminal File database, Murphy stumbles onto the case of his own murder and decides to investigate. He quickly finds out different parties don't want him to find the truth and try to thwart him every step of the way. He uncovers a Viper's nest and finds out the venom is going all the way to the top. Murphy will do everything though, to bring his killers to justice.
A lot of explosions and shaky-cam and still it wasn't all that exciting So, does this remake has something new to tell us? I don't think so. Where Verhoeven's 1987 original was not only a terrific action movie it was also wonderfully layered. A satire on American consumerism, media, corporatism and it still holds up very well. So, what does this film has to say then? Well, not a lot really. Sure, it tries to comment on the drones situation going on today but it doesn't seem to be all that interested in doing so. The commercials and news items are now replaced with “The Novak Element”, an actuality show with Pat Novak (Samuel L. Jackon) as its anchor and clearly taking its cue from the likes of The O' Reilly Factor and Fox News. These segments are a lot of fun but far and few between. It almost seems that the so called message they are trying to give us is more of an afterthought. So, if they aren't really focusing on satire or social commentary is it full of action scenes then? No.
Even here Sam Jackson gets to yell and shout! It's hilarious! for an action movie, there is almost no action scenes in it. That is what The original is known for, its action and its comical, over the top violence. Here we get a cleaned up PG-13 RoboCop, actually tazing creeps instead of blowing them to bits. At times it even reminded me of that very kid-friendly RoboCop cartoon and even that was more violent! It is quite ridiculous actually. Okay, so they focus on character development then? Yes.
No substitution for the '87 warehouse scene Joel Kinnaman is getting quite some time to flesh out the character of Alex Murphy. He's fine as the hard boiled policeman and brooding husband. His portrayal of RoboCop is something else though and this is where I think the writers missed the mark. The whole theme of the original RoboCop was resurrection and machine becoming “man”. Kinnaman's RoboCop does not go through this transition. He is Murphy the whole time. Even when he's in the suit. There is a variation of him being the emotionless cyborg but it is glossed over, like they had to do it because it was in the original instead of it really serving the story. That is the problem of this movie; it glosses over many things, like it goes over the bucket-list making sure it respects the original. Kinnaman lacks a commanding presence. He doesn't really do anything with the role.
During better times The rest of the cast is good. Michael Keaton is a lot of fun as overzealous business mogul. Abbie Cornish gets to flesh out Clara Murphy a bit but the heart of the film is Gary Oldman. He makes the most of what little he has to work with. It's a very warm performance, comparable to his James Gordon from the Dark Knight trilogy. It's an absolute delight seeing Samuel L. Jackson hamming it up as Novak and provides the film's lighter moments. One of the biggest flaw of this film are the villains. They are barely in it. Patrick Garrow is unremarkable as arms dealer Vallon and Jackie Earle Haly as Mattox is the only one that comes close to being as colorful as the villains of the original. He just gets too little to do.
Not exactly Clarence Boddicker I can't put all blame on director José Padilha though. He's a very, very good director. He knows what he's doing and is no stranger when it comes to social commentary. His Tropa de Elite movies stand testament to that. During the early days of production there were reports of Padilha saying that producers and other studio bigwigs were interfering with his vision for this film. It shows. The script is sloppy. A clear case of too many fingers in the pie. Too many ideas and too little time to execute. I do like the fact they used Basil Poledouris iconic RoboCop theme in the movie. It is used too little in the movie and at the wrong times. There is a scene in the movie where RoboCop trains against drones in a warehouse. It's comparable to the warehouse scene of the original. This would have been the perfect time to use the Robocop theme. Instead they chose to play rock music over the scene. Another lost opportunity. Pedro Bromfman's music score is pretty forgettable. Nothing special there.
A sequel? Your move creep... Is RoboCop a disaster then? Surprisingly enough, no. It's a fine film actually. The only problem is that it's never outstanding. The problem is that it's already been done. Superbly I might add. It was clear they could not add anything, could not do something better than what they did back in the original. Yes, the visual effects have gotten a considerable upgrade and look fantastic but can't cover up the fact that the writers just mixed up the puzzle pieces and made something completely new and yet so familiar. So yes, it's a fine film it could have been much worse but it's also frustratingly mediocre. The movie never comes to life, boring at times and it ends in such a way that will leave you in your seat, watching the end-credits saying to yourself...”Was that it?”
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It's beginning to look a lot like Valentine's Day! Ah, couples holding hands, cuddling up and celebrating each others love! Yes, I hate it. So, it's the perfect time to delve into one of those “love” films. You know, boy meets girl, girl wants to date boy but he rejects her; so girl turns into a murderous psycho. The typical stuff, we've all been there. I am going to keep this short! Let's take a look at the loved ones!
Look, when they threaten to nail a man's junk to a chair,
then I've got no jokes to make!Brent (Xavier Samuel) accidentally killed his father in a car accident and now he spends most of his days tuned out and disconnected from the world. Suffering from depression and beat down by guilt, Brent mutes his pain with drugs. The only light in his life is his dedicated girlfriend Holly(Victoria Thain). Prom night is coming up and she wants him to take her to the dance. Another contender is taking her chances though. Shy little wallflower, Lola (Robin McLeavy) musters up all of her courage and ask Brent to be her date for prom night. He gently lets her down and leaves her standing alone in the school hallway. Brent never makes it to the dance though as a stranger drugs and kidnaps him. When he wakes up he finds himself strapped to a chair and at the mercy of Lola and her father! As he suffers unspeakable torture, He must fight to stay alive and find a way to escape before he permanently joins Lola's “collection” of dream dates.
Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse... First of all, Australian horror rocks! After Wolf Creek surprised me, this film downright thrilled me. It gets right down to business and doesn't waste much time to get to the brutal stuff and believe me, this film doesn't shy away from a little blood. There is a subplot that seems to have nothing to do with the main story but the two story lines meet near the end but not in an entirely satisfying way. In fact, the whole third act is a bit too much actually. Had they toned it down slightly and eased us into the madness of the latter part of the movie, it would have been easier to swallow and digest. It's like they turned up the volume from a 5 to 10 in one turn.
It gets much, much worse! Is that a bad thing then? No, because the performances are so strong that you can forgive little beauty faults in the writing. Xavier Samuel's character Brent goes through an extreme amount of bodily harm. His kidnappers paralyze his vocal cords, so his performance is largely wordless and silent. He has to emote that pain, fear and anger through his eyes, facial expressions and body language and it works. The absolute star of this film is Robin McLeavy though. Her character Lola is utterly and I do mean utterly insane! Everything she says and does is soaked in venom and pure evil. This in stark contrast to her Barbie doll looks. It makes her even more terrifying. And yes, I do mean terrifying as McLeavy isn't playing this for laughs. Her portrayal of Lola is truly phenomenal.
Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets Apart from minor gripes with the story, I don't really have anything negative to say about this film. All the actors are top notch, the director clearly knew what he was doing. The cinematography is excellent and everything is beautifully lit. Best of all, this is truly a horror movie. Yes, it is funny but in a cringing, looking away from the screen kind of way. It's that over the top. This is a movie that delivers and I can't recommended it enough. Be sure to watch it with your significant other. Happy Valentine's day!
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Some things in life are just an undeniable fact. The sky is blue, hamburgers are delicious, love really does stink and you can trust The Asylum to release their own version of whatever movie the big studios have in their pipeline. Now that the Robocop remake is about to hit theaters worldwide, The Asylum took it upon themselves to enrich our lives with Android Cop. This movie deserves some scrutiny!
The uhm..."future" of law enforcement? After a disastrous earthquake, A large part of Los Angeles has been destroyed. The survivors separated the rest of the city from the irradiated wastelands (A couple of fusion reactors got destroyed) with a wall. They call it “The Zone”. When hardboiled cop Hammond gets paired up with the latest law enforcement has to offer, he of course reluctantly agrees. Andi, an android and Hammond get requested by the mayor himself. They are asked to find his daughter that has gone missing. During their investigation they uncover a foul conspiracy and the deeper they dig the deadlier it gets for them.
His expression pretty much throughout the whole movie. Yes, sarcasm level +200! I haven't seen much Asylum movies but I do know they aren't exactly known for having huge budgets; So, I can't really judge them on the production values. How does the rest of this pan out then? First of all, this film is a strange mixture of Robocop, Mad Max, Surrogates, Training Day and every buddy cop movie ever made. There isn't one original idea to be found in this movie and yet somehow it works (We'll get to that later). Yes, the film looks cheap and had that distinct digital video look. Andi's suit looks bad, there is no weight to him he looks just like a guy in a plastic suit held together with duct tape. The visual effects and CGI are serviceable to bad at best. It gets the job done and matches the the cinematography quite well so, it's not too jarring or distracting. On a technical level this movie is nothing to write home about.
ILM has nothing to fear. Noticed I've said nothing about the acting or story itself? To my big surprise the script was better than expected. Yeah, it has some minor subplots that go nowhere but for the rest of the time it keeps things focused and moving forward. It actually has a story to tell! There was even a twist in there that I did not see coming! Randy Wayne as Andi is pretty unremarkable but he has to play an emotionless android so, I can't really knock his performance too much. Kadeem Hardison as Sgt. Smith does his best Det. Alanzo Harris impersonation and chews some considerable scene-age. While the rest of the cast is fine, the best thing about this movie is Michael Jai White. His sarcasm and playfulness made this movie for me. See, the cast knew exactly in what kind of movie they were in and were hamming it up to the max. I'm not sure if it was intentional but this movie had me laughing out loud the whole time.
Bring on Android Cop 2.0! Android Cop is exactly what you expect it to be. A low budget, action comedy. What you see is what you get. It does have something of a solid story and very funny performances. Also, the ending of this movie! Oh, don't worry I won't spoil it but it's like waiting for the punchline of a joke that never comes. That to me made it even more funnier. I went into this movie with a frown but left it smiling from ear to ear. I found it to be quite delightful. Is it a good film then? Not really but i've definitely seen worse.
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It's time for a little Viewer Vomit! Now, what's that you ask? It's when critic extraordinaire, Ryne Barber chooses two movies of his liking and invites others to write a review for it. Those reviews will be featured (along with his own of course) on his site The world is a dead moon (Go check it out). Our choices this time were House of whipcord and The Rig. I chose the latter movie. Now, let's get right into it then!
Where the "magic" happens! After one of their remote submersibles malfunctions, the skeleton crew of oil rig “Charlie” don't get much time to asses the damage. A storm is about to hit them. They've been ordered to “button up” and sit it out. During their off hours, one of the crew members goes missing. After an unsuccessful search the crew is on edge. Things go from bad to worse when they find their boss' office covered in blood and torn apart. From that moment on they discover that strange and deadly creatures have found their way onto the rig. The same things that have damaged the submersible. Without any means of escape and no communications, the crew decides to hunt down these creatures but soon become the hunted themselves.
Our fearless monster hunters I could delve deep into this film but truth to be told, it just doesn't have enough substance to do so. What surprised me the most is that this film was dead boring. It took me a couple of viewings to get through it all. You see, when you make an ALIEN rip-off (Yes, they even have the Weyland logo plastered all over the place) it's most certainly possible to make an amusing and/or watchable B-movie at best. The Rig is full of lengthy and dull dialog. Not to mention the unnecessary subplots that have no payoff. It would have been better if they'd concentrated on creating atmosphere and tension instead of forcing drama that is out of place in a movie like this.
Hey, look ma! Another obvious reference to Alien! Its biggest flaw is that the monsters seem to be an afterthought. It pops up here and there randomly reminding you, the viewer that, hey “This is still a horror movie”. Really? Why does it seem like the writers thought this was On Golden Pond? In this instance, and I never thought I'd say this but too much character development was a bad thing here.
"Remember me? Just reminding you i'm still in this flick too!" Even though the writing is bad, I can't completely knock this film down. Knowing how hard it is to make a movie, I have to commend the makers for their effort. What vision or ideas they had, they made it a reality. The locations, monster suits and visual effects; it's all on screen. They even managed to get William Forsythe to star in this. I'm guessing he owed the director something and I'm pretty sure that after reading the script; he made sure that his role was cut short, very short. He's the best thing in the movie but barely in it.
William Forsythe, after he read the script So, is THE RIG a bad movie then? Not really, it's just not very exciting. From the cinematography, lighting to the performances, it's all just so very boring. You just don't care for any of the characters or what they go through. The Rig isn't good but also nowhere near that “so bad it becomes amusing” type of thing. It's just there on screen, killing your time with its mediocrity. You know, just re-watch Alien. It'll be time better spent.
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Ah, young love. So innocent, pure and honest. When the whole world starts and ends with your significant other. When you're not around that person all seems incomplete and pointless. And when she breaks up with you, all you desire is the world and everyone in it to burn and to share your suffering! Now, what has gotten me in such a “romantic” mood? Why, it's the movie “Don't let me drown” of course. Let's take a look at it!When Lalo isn't at school he spends most of his days hanging with his friends and cruising the streets on his bicycle; you know, doing the whole “smoking and joking” on the block thing. He seems to be a happy-go-lucky teen but he's actually burdened by harsh living conditions in Brooklyn. His family hardly makes due on the rent of the apartment and his father works clean-up detail at Ground Zero. This is New York a couple of months or possibly weeks after the 9/11 attacks.
That awkward moment when your mother makes you bring
an embarrassing present to your friend. That's OD indeed.When going to the birthday party of his best friend, Lalo spots Stefanie. She's quiet and closed as Lalo awkwardly shares his rather naive views on the September 11 attacks. Stefanie rudely shuts him up and walks off. Beneath her short tempered, tough girl act is a very sensitive girl. She's having to cope with not only the death of her sister (who was actually in one of the Twin Towers) but also with her parents constantly fighting. Especially her father who is unable to cope with the loss of his daughter, Crystal.Through a series of misadventures, Lalo and Stefanie connect on a deeper level. They complement each other. He softens her hardened heart and she eases his troubled mind. But as life would have it, trouble is looming on the horizon for these young lovers.
Your dad treating you like a nine year old. OD as well! I love the simplicity of this story. It doesn't rely on contrived story clichés as seen in many movies based on Nicolas Sparks' books. The script written by Cruz Angeles and Maria Topete is strong and smart enough to understand that life itself is hard enough. Lalo and Stefanie wanting to be together and at the same time having to deal with their own demons is drama enough. There is also no need for ridiculous subplots. The movie instead has subtle side tangents highlighting the friends and family of the young leads but it is focused enough to lead us right back to Lalo and Stefanie's journey.The performances of the younger actors might come of a little wooden at times but Cruz Angeles understands these kids, their slang and how they would interact with each other. His excellent direction gets the most out of their performances and makes you overlook this. This is nothing more than a pet peeve. The veteran actors are superb. They bring their A game to this and deliver in full spades.
That first fight...Also, OD! Quite fitting as it is, the heart of the movie are our two leads. E.J. Bonilla and Gleendilys Inoa as Lalo and Stefanie are wonderful. Their characters aren't your cookie cutter teenagers. Stefanie is loud, short tempered and at one point even plays games with Lalo's feelings. He in his turn isn't smooth or suave. His attempts at romance towards Stefanie are awkward and clumsy at best. When they do grow toward each other you really root for them. Their chemistry together is great and their intimate moments together are genuinely sweet and tender. There are no “sticking your finger in your throat” moments.
In the end everything works out. Now, that's sweet!
D'aaaaawww, they are so cute together!So, why did I connect to this movie where other romantic movies fail me? I guess, because it is recognizable, because it doesn't shy away from the ugly side of life and love, because it shows what can be accomplished when two persons decide to walk the same road, because at one point in life I was Lalo and I've met my own version of Stefanie. It is because above all, this movie is sincere.I hope that one day, Cruz Angeles does like Richard Linkletter and revisits these characters. I want to know what happens to Lalo and Stefanie. Where they are now in life and if they are still together.”Don't let me Drown” is well written, funny, sweet and gives us more than most romantic movies offer us; namely honesty. I can't recommended this movie enough.
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